I love black thongs
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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