just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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