Its about making memories worth repressing
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
