I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
