I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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