Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
