If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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