some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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