so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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