Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
