No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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