Do you still have your period?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
