apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
