im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
