the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
