I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
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In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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