Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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