Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
