Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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