i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
