i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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