Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
