Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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