i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
