my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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