i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
