this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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