if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.