Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

What are we going to do tonight?

(704): View more from North Carolina

What we try to do every night. Take over the world

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(919): What are we going to do tonight? (704): What we try to do every night. Take over the world http://tfl.nu/y4va

Replies (30) Good night (4631) Bad night (902)
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(850): View more from Florida

I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.

(1-850): View more from Florida

Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.

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(850): I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life. (1-850): Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say. http://tfl.nu/wlmq

Replies (11) Good night (975) Bad night (1779)
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(863): View more from Florida

I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.

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(863): I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car. http://tfl.nu/95eu

Replies (27) Good night (6054) Bad night (709)
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(503): View more from Oregon

Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.

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(503): Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie. http://tfl.nu/g56z

Replies (13) Good night (3728) Bad night (1092)
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(917): View more from New York City

so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...

(845): View more from New York

Are you serious?

(917): View more from New York City

yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...

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(917): so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head... (845): Are you serious? (917): yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it... http://tfl.nu/iiih

Replies (25) Good night (961) Bad night (4568)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy

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(860): drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy http://tfl.nu/cj1r

Replies (10) Good night (3555) Bad night (1100)
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(720): View more from Colorado

the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis

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(720): the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis http://tfl.nu/41ot

Replies (14) Good night (5439) Bad night (1801)
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(631): View more from New York

we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms

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(631): we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms http://tfl.nu/2gis

Replies (6) Good night (3245) Bad night (1098)
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(303): View more from Colorado

do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?

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(303): do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie? http://tfl.nu/kg1j

Replies (26) Good night (1079) Bad night (3540)
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(808): View more from Hawaii

He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.

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(808): He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married. http://tfl.nu/414x

Replies (18) Good night (1024) Bad night (2428)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels

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(423): You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels http://tfl.nu/y9c9

Replies (5) Good night (1174) Bad night (433)
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(503): View more from Oregon

You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.

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(503): You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner. http://tfl.nu/k4un

Replies (5) Good night (821) Bad night (433)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.

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(215): we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels. http://tfl.nu/n1cw

Replies (2) Good night (1171) Bad night (296)
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(630): View more from Illinois

he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.

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(630): he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding. http://tfl.nu/dq8r

Replies (2) Good night (320) Bad night (615)
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(708): View more from Illinois

I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!

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(708): I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped! http://tfl.nu/5pnp

Replies (2) Good night (1016) Bad night (316)

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