Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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