Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.

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  (740): ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments. http://tfl.nu/bi4c
  Replies (11) Good night (4273) Bad night (884)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.

  (1-323): View more from California

  Did you put it in the freezer again?

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  (323): The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child. (1-323): Did you put it in the freezer again? http://tfl.nu/uvmz
  Replies (29) Good night (952) Bad night (6318)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.

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  (630): She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her. http://tfl.nu/01f3
  Replies (12) Good night (5724) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.

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  (817): MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice. http://tfl.nu/3445
  Replies (10) Good night (802) Bad night (3219)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.

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  (734): she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help. http://tfl.nu/iorj
  Replies (29) Good night (1427) Bad night (5106)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof

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  (913): Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof http://tfl.nu/58vn
  Replies (8) Good night (5112) Bad night (974)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.

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  (423): it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like. http://tfl.nu/iipz
  Replies (3) Good night (2736) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"

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  (727): There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000" http://tfl.nu/9a0a
  Replies (13) Good night (2342) Bad night (945)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Goddamn tequila

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  (306): I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one (306): Goddamn tequila http://tfl.nu/4ri7
  Replies (5) Good night (2100) Bad night (581)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?

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  (928): You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect? http://tfl.nu/nafu
  Replies (1) Good night (478) Bad night (1179)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo

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  (207): I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo http://tfl.nu/r3az
  Replies (7) Good night (1489) Bad night (436)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.

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  (530): Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life. http://tfl.nu/z2vn
  Replies (6) Good night (1852) Bad night (572)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair

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  (+61): I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair http://tfl.nu/4pnl
  Replies (1) Good night (363) Bad night (783)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.

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  (616): Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila. http://tfl.nu/3l79
  Replies (1) Good night (464) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.

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  (412): its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game. http://tfl.nu/gy0r
  Replies (8) Good night (612) Bad night (251)

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