Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast