You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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