How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
