im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I need to calm my uterus...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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