I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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