He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I can't put those talents on a resume
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
