Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
