i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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