I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
