She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
