Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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