my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
