Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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