I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
