I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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