Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
