I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
