I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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