Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
