he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
