Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
