he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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