Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
