the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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