that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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