I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
