Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
ok first of all what the fuck
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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