I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
