i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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