I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
