Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
