You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
