totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize