Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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