so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize