Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
