dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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