I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
