Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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