he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize