omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
