and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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