I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im drinking this country out of the recession.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
