were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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