the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It's just like the Real World with babies
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
