i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
