I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
