What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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