So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
