there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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