Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
